I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
