Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
