Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
