I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
