At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
