haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
