is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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