The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
