Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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