Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
