I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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