it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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