Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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