It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
