I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Randomize
