Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize