Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
