I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Randomize
