marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
