OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Welp...herpes.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize