I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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