I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
