I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
