the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
