I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
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Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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