just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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