All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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