Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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