Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
a search helicopter?!
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
