laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
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i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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