i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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