I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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