why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
im six kinds of drunk right now
she looked like the before picture.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
