just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I deserve this hangover.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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