I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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