I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
