Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize