i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize