don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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