How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Randomize