Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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