speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
It's just like the Real World with babies
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
