I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
