U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
