Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I wish you could order shots online.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
