I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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