the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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