can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
