You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
