Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
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Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
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He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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