Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize