1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I faked an abortion last night.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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