those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
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the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
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I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I think my moral compass just broke
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