I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
