I could have mohawked her pubes.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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