I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
