i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
