I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
