Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
