she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
