There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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