I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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